


In Which the Spider Gets Shot at by the Merc with a Mouth...

by redbluejay



Series: Now & Then, Once & a While, Sometime, Maybe? [2]
Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, Kinda Cracky, Team Red, and hopefully funny!Deadpool, at least two-thirds of it, but don’t worry you don’t need to have read the other one, featuring stuttering!Spiderman, never say Wade doesn't have boundaries, not much more than one though, part of a series, well one boundary maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-25 06:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18255605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbluejay/pseuds/redbluejay
Summary: ...and then promptly hugged, also by the Merc with a Mouth.(A.K.A. Where Wade Meets Peter & Peter is Seriously Confused Regarding Wade’s Sanity.)





	In Which the Spider Gets Shot at by the Merc with a Mouth...

**Author's Note:**

> This is almost 1000 words, which is really bugging me, but I wanted to just get it out. So, here it is!

  “Oh, wow! Look at the little, itty, bitty spider himself, landed on this very roof! I think I’m gonna call you Spidey, if that’s cool with you?”

  Peter just barely manages to squeak out a timid, “S-Sure?” before Deadpool begins talking again.

  “Well, I’d call you that whether you were cool with it or not, if I’m being really, painfully honest here. Which I’m actually rarely, if you’d believe me.”

   _(Yeah, Peter didn’t have trouble believing that.)_

  “Anyways, it’s a real honour to meet a fellow red masked and costumed person like me!”

  Even though Deadpool’s face, is, indeed, covered, an air of absolute eagerness surrounds him. It’s like looking at a puppy, Peter ponders, in a state of what was probably stilted, about-to-be hysteria.

   _(From shock, most likely. And disbelief. And annoyance. Yeah, those sound right. He’s happy just being Queens’ friendly, neighbourhood Spiderman. Really, he is. Why does he have to run into all these anti-heroes and vigilantes?)_

  A very giant, trigger-happy, murderer puppy.

   _(Because, apparently, the world hates him. That’s why.)_

  “I mean, you’ve got stick-in-the-mud grumps like that Daredevil around, but, really, what kind of name is _Daredevil_? It’s completely ridiculous-”

  Peter scoffs quietly to himself. _Deadpool_ is one to talk. Deadpool? What’s that even supposed to mean?

  “-though, it _is_ a bit better than the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, that one’s just corny. And his colours, he totally stole mine! And don’t even get me _started_ on all the “heroes” that run around not even using a code name! You’ve just gotta have a code name if you’ve got powers, right?!”

  Peter’s really not sure how to take that question. He settles with just trying to ignore it.

  “Er- Deadpoo- ah, Mr. Deadpool?”  
  
  “Yeah?” the masked merc beams at him. “And just call me Wade, please!”

   _(Wasn’t he just insisting the importance of code names?)_

  Peter blinks. “Oh, uh, okay. Wade.”

  He takes a moment to ponder what his life as come to, being on first name basis with someone like Deadpool. Who may or may not be actually insane.  
  
   _(Oh, god. His aunt is going to freak.)_

  Wade pokes him curiously. “You were saying something, Spidey?”

  “O-oh, right, yeah. Um, not to, er, offend you or anything…” Peter starts, hesitant, “but, uh, why are you here, again?”

  The other masked vigilante takes a few steps back, looking like he’s thinking quite hard about the answer.

  “Oh, right. Hmm, why am I here again? Oh, right!” Dea- Wade smacks himself in the face, and draws a gun from somewhere. “You should be proud, Spidey! Someone put a hit out on you and I thought, ‘Why not?’! No hard feelings, okay?”

  Peter feels like someone just knocked the wind out of him. This is _so_ not his day.

  “W-What?”

  “Yeah!” Wade beams. Again. “A shame, really, I was starting to like you!”

   _(Peter’s not sure whether he should be glad that Deadpool apparently likes him or terrified that_ Deadpool _likes him.)_

_(He resolves to panic over it later.)_

  “So, anyways, sorry about this,” he says, before a gunshot rings out.

  Peter dodges it. Apparently - he is very, _very_ glad to note - his super-reflexes are faster than the bullet.

   _(He’s so glad, it’s not even funny; he’s got enhanced healing, and that is great. In fact, he’d probably be dead without it. However, he doesn’t even want to think about being shot and then him healing_ around _the bullet. Nope. Not at all.)_

 _(And he means not_ at all _, not at all.)_

_(So he should stop thinking about it.)_

   _(_ Now _, please.)_

  This time, Wade is the one blinking. “Oh, wow. That’s a pretty cool power, Spidey.”

  Deadpool’s still got a gun out, smoking tip and all, though he’s not shooting anymore.

  “Er, thanks?”

  It seems that it’s not only his spidey-sense that likes to abandon him when faced with dangerous vigilante/anti-heroes, but also most of his quick wit.

  “Your welcome!” Deadpool replies cheerfully. He takes another shot, and Peter dodges again. Then he takes anther, and another, and another, and another.

  Peter dodges, once, twice, three times, and then mistimes the fourth. The bullet grazes his side, and pain shot up his body.

  Not for the first time, he will forever deny that he made any un-manly sound of shock or pain.

_(Okay, he let out a short scream. Sue him, he had been shot. Technically. Even if it was only a graze.)_

_(EIther way, it hurt like an absolute_ bitch _.)_

  Wade stops shooting, and he gets the feeling he’s being scrutinized.

  “Hey, Spidey, that was a bit high-pitched, you know,” he calls over, lowering the tip of his gun slightly. He pauses, considering. “How old’re you, again?”

  From where he’s inching closer and closer to the edge of the roof they are on, Peter stiffens, suddenly very, very glad that his suit covered all of his for-sure-whitening, young/baby face.

   _(Though he absolutely denies he has a baby face. He’s just a bit young; he’ll grow out of it.)_

  Wary, he calls back, “Old enough!”

  “Fifteen,” Wade challenges. “Yeah, you’re fifteen.”

  H-How?

  “I’m just that amazing!” the merc answers, upbeat and unfazed. He lowers his gun completely, and it vanishes as it’s hidden somewhere on his body. He shrugs to himself. “Eh, the guy that put the hit out didn’t offer much, anyway.”

  Peter is so, so glad. “Oh, that’s good, uh, I guess.”

  Wade eyes him.

  “First things first, my little, underage, fellow red-wearing Spidey,” he exclaims as he slings an arm over Peter’s tense, spandex-covered shoulder. “We’re going to have to get rid of that stutter!”

  Peter grimaces, and is not quite sure whether it’s from the pain of being shot or Deadpool hanging off his back.

  Maybe both.

**Author's Note:**

> This one felt a little forced. Then again, I wasn't feeling as inspired so it didn't flow like the last one as much. I also did write the title first - I don't usually do that.


End file.
